Loving yourself has nothing to do with working on yourself.
When interpreted by ego, one must clear away undesirable feelings such as sadness, fear, grief, and anger before love is able to flow. As this belief is internalized, it is often a transference from childhood where instead of wondering, “What must I change about myself in order to earn their love?” it becomes, “What must I change about myself to earn my own love?”
While love can be given and love can be received, self-love cannot be earned.
Trust is earned, loyalty is earned, respect is earned. All the while, love is an inner radiant glow created through bonds of connection. This means that while it may take time to earn other people’s trust, loyalty, and respect, your role is in establishing bonds of connection with the parts of yourself, even those parts that act out in distrusting, disloyal, and disrespectful ways or have been hurt by the distrust, disloyalty, and disrespect of others.
When loving yourself is not working on yourself, there is no ego rating your performance through the subtlety of self-judgment.
Instead, there are just moments in time, whether on a daily basis or in fleeting bursts of inspired awareness, where you choose to love yourself, including the one who insists so much has to be cleaned up before it can land as well as the one who thinks they are encouraging by bullying itself around with negative self-talk. And, including the one who is under the impression that negative self-talk is a form of self-accountability. As if you somehow won’t shift, grow, and learn to make better choices without constantly berating yourself.
When loving yourself is approached more like a spa treatment and less like spending time in high school detention or enduring a weekend in traffic school, you will have firmly planted both feet on the most exciting and direct path of self-realization and embodied mastery.
Simply because the one with so much to work on tends to create a lens of distorted perception where they are likely to see evidence of more things to work on just to continually feed a pattern of belief. If the ego hears this, it will say, “So how do I get rid of that?”
Ultimately the solution is far more simple than the complexities of trauma you’ve endured and survived. It arises from realizing that you would rather have more things to love than more things to fix.
As you begin loving yourself as a luxury of choice and not as a means to an imaginary end, not only do all parts begin to feel the trust, loyalty, and respect it felt denied by others, but soon you will be so filled with love, you won’t require negative self-talk or intense emotions to remind you when you need love the most.
Even just further along the way, you won’t even need to love yourself all that often, since you are no longer someone in need of love, but the fully realized true infinite self of all; the miraculous grace of unconditional love made manifest into physical form as this outrageous ridiculous work of art known as you.
You deserve more love, not less.
Less work, not more.
This is the way of the new spiritual paradigm.
All For Love,
Matt
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