Dear friends, I am so happy to see you. And some of you have come from so far! I know who you are and you are so dear to me. My journey is your journey and I know your sorrows and pain from within. That is why I would like to share some of my insights into this long journey that you as souls have embarked on.
I would like to take you to the beginning of this journey, all the way back to the beginning when you were born as souls in a reality that was new and unknown to you. I would like to take you to the very moment you started your journey through time and space, through material reality. This event lies a very long way back, but the emotions that go with it, the pain of being separated from home, are still very present in all of you. This cosmic birthing pain, as I call it, lies behind many of your everyday feelings and behaviors.
Many of you are continually confronted with a sense of restlessness or unease within, the nagging notion that you are “in search of something.” There is an internal tension that comes from not being entirely at home with yourself. You do not feel comfortable or at home with your own being, your own essence.
From this basic tension, the tendency arises to search for outside validation in the form of acknowledgement by others, material possessions or whatever makes you feel loved and cared for. You constantly need something outside of you to reassure you, something that relieves the tension and says: “you are all right.” Look at how often you crave this reassurance and then you will know how tense you really are, how much pain there is inside you.
I would like to speak about the origin of this pain and the ensuing addiction to outside validation. The real cause is like the center of an onion that has many layers around it. The outer layers are formed by certain events in your life which have caused you to feel hurt, restless, not at home within yourself. In the deeper layers closer to the core of the onion, there are events from other lifetimes that have been emotionally traumatic. Still, from the perspective I am now taking, these are only trigger points. If you peel away all the layers and get to the core, you will discover an original pain, an essential homesickness that is connected to the very beginning of your journey.
Imagine yourself as part of an ocean of love, feeling safe and completely free from worry or anxiety. Imagine yourself being embraced by this all-pervading, loving consciousness and not knowing anything outside of it. This is the energy of Home, the energy you were born from. To understand the feeling tones of this ancient state, think of the consciousness you have when you drift away into sleep, when your mind releases control and your consciousness is very receptive. You also know this state in your earthly lives when you are an embryo in the motherly womb. When consciousness is in this gentle, blissful slumber, there is no clear distinction between inner and outer, no sense of me as opposed to you. In the embryonic, dreamy state of consciousness there is a boundless sense of oneness and safety.
In those ancient times, you as souls felt safe and boundless within in a huge cosmic womb. At a certain point, however, something changed. You experienced a kind of tearing apart. It was as though birthing contractions rippled through your oceanic awareness and awoke you from your slumber. That was the beginning of your birth as individual souls. It is when you broke loose from this ever present oneness that engulfed you that you experienced yourself as yourself for the first time. There was a rudimentary sense of “I” that was initiated in that very moment.
The experience of being torn apart, of being separated from the cosmic womb, left you bewildered and disoriented. You were not in a state of knowing when this happened; you were purely in a state of experiencing. You started to blindly search for something to hold onto, a way of returning back to the safety you knew. You felt lost. You felt shut out. It was a moment of darkness.
Nonetheless, the moment you tore yourselves free from prime Source and left Home was at the same time a moment of immense creativity. It was the beginning of a grand journey of experience, of life. Imagine a dark empty space, strange, vast and nameless, lying before you. You entered this space as little seedlings. It was a space full of potentiality, full of possible experiences that were as yet unknown. There was darkness, but there was also room for something new.
Many of the emotions you had to deal with at the start of your cosmic journey are comparable to the emotions of a lost child that I spoke about last time (see “The power of your own consciousness”). They are the emotions of a newborn baby who has to get used to a strange and unfamiliar reality that is utterly different from the semi-conscious slumber state it was in before. The image of the lost child, crying and bewildered, makes vividly clear the inner wounds with which you started your journey.
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